Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith don’t owe us an explanation of their private lives. But they did, and now they shouldn’t be surprised that people feel deceived.

I don’t know Will Smith or Jada Pinkett Smith; few people do. However, the two have been on social media more than the Kardashians in recent weeks, and that’s saying a lot.

We are used to seeing Will Smith rap, act and produce music. Arguably one of the best actors in Hollywood, we have seen him at his best moments and witnessed him at one of his worst: the slap of comedian Chris Rock during the 2022 Oscars ceremony.

Meanwhile, Jada Pinkett Smith continues to carve out a niche as an actress and growing social media star. She recently added “bestselling author” to her growing list of accomplishments with her 400-page memoir, “Worthy.”

She hit fans with the ultimate swerve when she announced the couple had been separated since 2016 but had not filed for divorce. This was just one of many bombshells we would learn about the Smiths.

I have not read “Worthy,” but the excerpts and slew of recent media interviews show us that the Hollywood couple’s marriage is far from a fairytale.

While I’m no relationship expert, I’ve learned from successful marriages – some right here in Milwaukee – that maintaining such a facade, particularly on social media, can be ruinous to a healthy relationship.

Relationship goals? Will Smith is one of Hollywood’s good guys.

While I have never considered Will and Jada my “relationship goals” for marriage, I have always wanted the best for them.

The Smiths were part of my young adulthood. While some were critical of Will’s rap style, I loved how he performed radio-friendly songs that young people could listen to without the foul language. I also enjoyed his range of acting, from the 1990s sitcom “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” to him playing the Oscar-winning role of Richard Williams, the father of tennis superstars Venus and Serena Williams, in the 2021 film “King Richard.”

At 55, Smith has been one of Hollywood’s good guys. He’s a family man. He’s a father, a husband and a Black man unafraid to show his emotions.

The two dated a few years before tying the knot on Dec. 31, 1997. We should have seen trouble in paradise after “The Matrix” star said she cried the entire ceremony because she never wanted to get married.

Despite those tears, many have deemed the Smiths the perfect couple. They supported each other’s careers and frequently joined the red carpet for many awards shows.

From what we’ve learned, it’s fair to say that the Smiths gave fans a worthy performance of their marriage. While it might be easy to dismiss the couple as well-off celebrities, the pitfalls of sharing too much on social media are a danger for everyone.

Will Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith show how social media can kill relationships

I’ve been married for six years, and I can’t imagine being single today. My wife often teases and says neither of us has the cholesterol to be in today’s dating scene.

Mikel Holt, 71, who has been married 30 years, said couples are driven by social media and the pressure to be seen in the perfect relationship.

“Will and Jada show us that when you put your business out there, everybody can pick it apart,” said Holt, a longtime columnist with the Milwaukee Community Journal. “Marriage requires work, and many people don’t want to do the work. Then you have people who put their information out there for everyone else to judge and tell them what they should do.”

Holt encouraged those dating or married to keep their business private because airing out their grievances on social media allows the public to voice their opinion and offer advice. Some you may not want.

Jessica Small, a licensed marriage and family therapist and dating coach, said social media posts “can create unrealistic expectations for partners.”

One of the main drawbacks to posting your relationships is that it takes people out of the here and now. Instead of enjoying a good meal with the person you are dating, one person may feel slighted if the other is consumed, posting everything about their date.

Giving people an opening into your relationship can open the door for other things like infidelity or judging by those who may not know you.

“I would never put anything out there to embarrass my wife, and I would hope she wouldn’t put anything on social media to embarrass me,” Holt said.

Blowback comes from being public when we don’t need to

Jada Pinkett Smith’s announcement that she had been living separately from her husband upset many because she has had many conversations about her family life, personal struggles and past traumas on her “Red Table Talk” show, and she never indicated they were separated. She purported herself to be the type who lived life out loud and “unapologetically.” She revealed so much on her social media pages, or at least that is what her fans thought.

As people read “Worthy,” they will get hit with more bombshells. As we pick sides on who’s right or wrong, our opinions don’t matter. The Smiths will ultimately decide on their marriage, which Will called “a sloppy public experiment in unconditional love.”

He added that their relationship is “ ‘brutiful’ … brutal and beautiful at the same time.”

It may be the most honest the couple has been with us in recent weeks, and his assessment of their relationship sounds a lot like many relationships. Except our relationships aren’t public unless we make them that way.

James E. Causey is an Ideas Lab reporter at the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, where this column first published. Reach him at [email protected]; follow him on X, formerly Twitter: @jecausey