Things are not going well for Beyonce’s new country career. That may be because she’s not country.

ALLOD Journalisticator Tara Newhole is following the Beyonce tour to keep us updated on its progress. It looks like she’ll have some time to waste while they regroup for the next block of shows just outside Yuma.

Beyoncé's Renaissance world tour wardrobe | best stage fashion

“Queen Bey isn’t in a very talkative mood,” said Newhole, “she thought her husband had sent out enough payola to secure her a spot at any venue in the nation with guaranteed sell-out crowds. Now she’s learning that the whole story was satire and she’s stuck playing an empty building designed for 100K screaming fans.”

Newhole commended us for managing to work a story into a story so seamlessly before heading off to see The Grand Canyon. “She’s a little half-Cherokee woman from New Mexico. She puts on a great show.”

Celebrities Who Took Photos with Beyoncé at the 2024 Grammys

We’ll keep you updated when the tour bus hits Yuma, patriots.

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